Grin and Bear It
by Unsystxmatic
Summary: Being there for someone even when everything in your gut is telling you not to is always a painful situation. And so is trying to convince yourself that something wasn't true. Yoriko Kosaka knew both those feelings far too well. How long would she have to force that smile? Oneshot Fanfiction / Idea crafted by Hidewari on Tumblr


"You should get him a gift!"  
"Eh? What? Who?"  
"You know _who, _silly. Him."  
"I have... no idea what the hell you're talking about."

A frustrated huff escaped the human, her brows furrowing as a pout appeared on her face. Touka knew who she was talking about, because Yoriko never let her drop the topic, sometimes. And Yoriko knew that Touka understood her. Of course, she did. There was a massive blush spread out across the black haired girls face, glowing brighter than a torch. That really did confirm her suspicions...

"Kaneki! Your co-worker. We aren't going over this again, Touka! I see the way you look at him now... when I come in to see you at work, you're always all over the place around him! Ya know... clumsy... awkward. Ya almost dropped coffee on me when he walked past!" Yoriko insisted, then taking a sip of her hot chocolate, hiding her frustrated look. Which wasn't hard. Not when she had been doing this for so long. Not showing that damn awkward expression she didn't have to wear.

Touka just looked embarrassed, and followed suit with Yoriko, trying to hide her face behind her mug of coffee. That blush... the blush she wore only at certain times. When they were talking about him. Or when Yoriko was teasing her about a boy she glanced at, all in good fun, of course. She loved the adorable blush Touka rarely wore. It... suited her. As did most things, Yoriko thought. She was beautiful. Why wouldn't she be? She was... her crush, after all.

A beautiful woman. A woman she could never get, even in her dreams. At first, she wasn't exactly sure if it was a crush. It was all a confusing blur, so of course, her instinct wasn't 'I love Touka!'. It was slow, to begin with. The crush grew over time. And now, she was more than sure Touka was in love with someone else. Since that boy joined Anteiku. That smart student from Kamii. She knew that Touka gave him a hard time, but she always had that behaviour about her. After all, Yoriko knew herself that Touka was very work focussed. Maybe she was just mad that she got distracted during work hours. That, or just embarrassed. In any case, she knew that Touka saw something in him. And she didn't think she saw herself in the same light. After all... why would she? She was just the dorky best friend, right?

She wanted to keep that act up. For both their sakes. She didn't want anything to be awkward between them. They'd been best friends since they were at least 14! She couldn't let her feelings ruin something that sacred.

"Yoriko... you over analyse everything. I mean it. I don't like that dork. He's really annoying if anything... and no, before you say it again, not in a damn endearing way!" Touka finally mustered up, a sigh escaping her as she put down her mug of coffee. However, it was only met with an expression that could only say 'are you serious?' from Yoriko.

Touka looked rather annoyed.  
Yoriko just wanted her to admit it, so she could move on.

"C'mon, Touka! I'll help you pick out a gift for him! You said all he does is read, right? Then let's get him a nice bookmark! Or something like that, anyway. I have a book stand for my recipe books, maybe he'd like one-"  
"Yoriko, stop, alright-? I don't-"  
"I might have a spare one! Somewhere... but it has floral designs on it-"  
"Yoriko-"  
"Oh! Maybe one of those lights that clip to the end of your books!" Yoriko finally interrupted. Desperately. She didn't know why she wanted Touka to like him so bad... maybe so she could have a reason to keep up her denial. If Touka got into a relationship, she'd have a reason not to tell her. She couldn't seem like she was after someone in a relationship!

Though... was she even really actively chasing Touka? No. She was trying to escape her feelings. It was confusing. And Touka seemed to be getting increasingly frustrated with her pestering about her co-worker.

However, all her insisting only earnt a flick to the forehead, causing Yoriko to sit back, and hold where Touka's finger had struck. It wasn't rare that Touka did that... only when Yoriko was being incredibly overbearing. That, or just silly. So she just pouted in response, knowing she had gone a little too far this time around.

Touka then sat back, another sigh escaping as she pushed out her chair.  
"I know what you're tryna do, Yoriko. Really... I do. But I'm fine. I'm not lonely. I don't need a boyfriend or anything... I have friends. That's all I need. If you're worried about that stuff, maybe you should try and find a boyfriend yourself? I'm sure any guy would be lucky as hell to have you." She stated, then yawning in a casual manner as she stood up, then reached down to grab her coffee cup, and drain the last of its contents with a final sip.

Yoriko just winced at that. A boyfriend?... No... not in her lifetime.

"Nah... who would I even date? The only person I really talk to is you, Touka." She responded, then being met with a teasing smile from Touka, who was buttoning up her coat.

"Maybe get on one of those stupid dating apps. Get your name out there?" She stated, the joke in the sentence obvious. And it caused Yoriko to roll her eyes in response, and stand up herself.

"Mhm... right. That sounds fun."  
"Don't knock it till you try it." Touka then said, shrugging... laughing.

Did she laugh like that for him, when she wasn't around? Did Kaneki make her laugh? She wasn't sure. And she felt cruel even thinking it... but sometimes her head told her she hoped he didn't. Only for her to get frustrated, and angry at herself. That was like hoping Touka wasn't happy. And she hated how her jealousy got the best of her. But... it wasn't that easy.

"So... where did you wanna go now, Yoriko?" Touka asked, dragging Yoriko out of her trance, and back into reality. She kept getting lost in thought... why was that?

"Uh... A-Aquarium! My dad printed off some coupons and stuff like he did for the zoo. Just thought it'd be fun, ya know?"

Touka smiled at that. Ah... the aquarium. Yoriko loved seeing all the pretty fish in their giant tanks, swimming around, shimmering under the artificial lights. It was like a show. She even liked the shark tunnel, and she hated scary things like that. But she couldn't help but admire the beauty in their strength.

She could say the same about something else... someone else.

"Aquarium? Sounds good. I haven't been for ages. Maybe you can show me your favourite tank. I know you go there with your folks a lot."

Yoriko nodded. Of course, she would. She wanted to show off the little clown fish off more than anything... they reminded her of Finding Nemo. Which she watched with Touka sometimes. It was dorky, probably. But it was such a feel-good movie!

"Of course! C'mon, let's go!" Yoriko said in an excitable manner, after finally pulling on her bag. She then began to tug on Toukas sleeve, causing laughter to escape.

"Fine, fine! Let's go!" Touka replied, giving in to her tugging, and being pulled out of the little cafe, and toward the aquarium.

There were beautiful fish everywhere within the aquarium. Not to mention happy families all bustling around, and the families staring in awe. Although, there were two people out of place, among a group of children stood by a certain tank, looking into it. Touka and Yoriko, of course.

"So... clown fish?" Touka asked in amusement, causing Yoriko to laugh in response.  
"Yeah! Clownfish. Look at them! They're so small... I thought they'd be so much bigger. Somehow they're even more adorable than I thought they'd be before I saw them in person!"

Touka smiled at her reply. Yoriko was always entertained by the most simple of things. It definitely made hanging out a lot easier. It wasn't as though Touka was hard to impress herself... so it was never hard to find something to do. That and the fact, she just wanted to be in the girls' company... even if, as of late, she seemed to mostly only have one topic on her mind. Kaneki. Which was odd, in Touka's mind. She didn't know the guy... why would she be so interested in whether or not she liked him?

She didn't, anyway.  
She liked someone else. She hated to admit it, but she did. It wasn't as though she could help it, so she didn't want to lie to herself about it. Though... the exact person it was made things... complicated. Especially now.

"Yeah... I get what ya mean. Everyone likes clownfish though, right? They're pretty and everything." Touka murmured, barely interested in the topic. It wasn't as though she wanted to ignore Yoriko or anything... it was just her head was full of thoughts after their earlier conversation.

Yoriko, however, smiled and shrugged as she backed away from the tank, beginning to walk to the next one as Touka then followed, her eyes glued to her once she moved to walk beside her. "Yeah! They're really pretty. A lot of fish are though, right? There's so many I'm surprised I narrowed it down to one favourite..."

Touka snorted at her comment, finding it to be a good opportunity to make a little joke.

"Ah... plenty of fish in the sea, eh, Yoriko?"  
Yoriko forced a smirk in response to her comment.

"Not in yours, Touka! You don't need plenty. Kaneki is the only fish in your pond!"

Crap. Touka winced at her comment. Gosh, what was her deal with her and Kaneki? She knew that a lot of people thought they made a good duo, what with her being the angry one and him being the dorky one... but wasn't Yoriko going a bit far? Mentioning it at every turn of a conversation? It was getting a bit much, even for her. She knew Yoriko liked to get things done but there was nothing to get done at all!

"Yoriko, what the hell are you trying to do? How many times do I have to say it?! I don't like that damn dork! He's a nice guy, but I don't fall for every nice guy that comes through the damn door at Anteiku, ya know!" She stated, stopping in place as Yoriko flinched, and froze herself. And she saw a guilty expression across the humans face almost instantly. Had she gone too far?

A sigh escaped her. It was either be cruel or let it continue. That, or tell the truth. She couldn't do that... no. It would ruin everything. It would jeopardize their relationship... not to mention threaten her identity.

"... What's with you, Touka? Why can't you just admit it?! Or... uh... I mean..."

Yoriko almost began her sentence in a frustrated way, only to stumble halfway through, as though she'd caught herself doing something stupid. But, to Touka, it was just annoying... and confusing. What did she _want from her?_

"God, Yoriko! I seriously don't like him-"  
"T-Then explain why you act weird when I visit you in work! Why you act so weird around him, and... why I caught him in your apartment! You didn't even come to school! He was just there-"  
"He was visiting because my manager told him to! Geez, I don't like him!"  
"Then who do you like?!"

She wasn't expecting this to become an argument. And Touka felt uncomfortable doing it in the middle of an aquarium full of kids... and disapproving parents. She looked around in obvious discomfort, before she sighed, and walked past Yoriko, an awkward expression on her face.

"I don't have to explain anything to you, okay?!" She stated, causing Yoriko to sigh in response. She felt like a pain, but she just wanted Touka to say it so she could move on. Was... it selfish? Was this selfish?

Yes... It was.  
Very selfish. And she was suddenly very conscious of it.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Touka." She called out, then running over, scooting through the crowd to try and catch up. "I just... I wanna know who. I want you to be happy! I feel like you're just pushing everyone away! I want you to... I dunno..."

She wanted her to be with anyone but herself. Which was weird, because, under that protective thought process, she wanted to be with her more than anything. But the threat to their friendship... it wasn't worth it. Was it?

Touka, on the other hand, had grown frustrated. Not just with Yoriko... but with herself. If she was just honest with her, this would have been over with so long ago.

"FINE. You wanna know who I like?! You really wanna know?! You'll regret knowing, so it's your funeral!" She finally blurted out, turning to stare at her... forcing an annoyed expression. But her face was flushed a deep red. Damn it, this wasn't her forte.

Yoriko, on the other hand just looked shocked, and embarrassed. Had she really pushed Touka into this? But... it meant she'd know. She'd finally know. It'd be done... It'd be over with. She'd get over it. She'd get over Touka.

Deep down, she was heartbroken. But she forced an excited look.

"Who!? I'll help you buy him gifts! Oh, who is he-"  
"It's _you_. Dumbass!"

Yoriko froze in place when she heard her response, her face instantly burning bright red. Did... she just say 'you'? As in, herself? As in Yoriko Kosaka? She didn't know how to respond... her heart was racing. She felt panicked. Was this a good thing!? What could they do now?...

"T-Touka... I-" Yoriko began, only to be interrupted.  
"You don't have to say anything, okay!? I didn't say anything for a reason! I know I should have... but... fucking hell, what was the point?! It's not like you like me as well, so why burden with you with that? I shouldn't have said anything... I'm gonna go home..."

Yoriko huffed. Well... they both seem to be driven by the same issue. They didn't want to burden one another. However... Yoriko definitely had the more awkward approach, trying to get her with guys. She felt stupid... however, Touka hadn't given her chance to reply.

"Touka... I was doing the same. I didn't wanna say anything. I like you too! I just... I wanted you to get together with someone... you know... so I could move on? But I just feel like a dummy now... Yeah, that's what I am... a dummy." She murmured, her gaze dropping to the ground as Toukas brow raised. And... the ghouls face flushed red too.

This was... unexpected.

Touka coughed, and scratched the back of her neck, trying to form a real sentence that she could reply with. Yoriko liked her as well? Well... geez. Her hiding it was for nothing? At least that was something. Although... she still had the ghoul issue to address.

That was a topic for another time. She already won one battle... one step at a time.

At least the Kaneki situation was explained. She wouldn't feel awkward around him when Yoriko was around now... She felt as though every breath was being judged when Yoriko was trying to get them together. However, she wasn't angry. Although her intentions weren't great, she at least apologized. And she forgave her.

"We've both been idiots... ya know? I should have been honest from the start. I should have trusted you... Uh... Shit, you know I'm not good at this stuff." Touka said, then moving forward, and pulling the girl into a gentle, loving embrace.

Yoriko's heart throbbed. And she moved her arms to hold her in return as Touka continued to speak. She was... happy.

"I don't know how much I'm willing to go through with right now... relationships haven't really ever been my sorta stuff. But we both know now... so we can at least go on dates... and shit like that. Test the waters a bit. I don't want to rush anything... so... if you're okay with that... everything is all good." Touka said, causing a giggle from the human.

"Touka... you're a dork. Yeah... that sounds perfect to me. Maybe the first date can be now? I mean... I know it's had a bit of a rocky start, but the day's still going on, ya know? Cmon... enough of hugging here... children are watching."

And so, with that said, Yoriko jumped back and interlocked her fingers with Toukas own, beginning to tug her to the next part of the aquarium... and Touka was just tugged alongside her, in awe. It was weird, how simple some things were sorted... and now, Yoriko and she were... having a steady start to what could be a relationship.

She knew that the ghoul thing was an issue. She knew, and she had to find a way to get around it. But... Yoriko and she weren't affected. Not at that moment. And her thoughts were on anything but that horrible situation. She felt as though she was on cloud nine, being dragged along a crowded corridor under dim, blue tinted lights. All she knew in that specific moment was that she was happy. She was happy because she was with Yoriko.

She wasn't about to let anything get to her... she hardly allowed herself to just relax and let go. She hardly allowed herself that chance at happiness.

She would then.  
She was finally letting go, and it was all thanks to Yoriko.  
And she was sure that everything would work out in the end.

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Surprise!

This one-shot was written as a means to get away from Mask for a little while and wrap my brain around a new project! It was fun to write! I know it's not perfect in terms of description, however, I'm thankful I got to write this!

I, however, was not the mastermind behind the concept of this story. The idea itself came from a Tumblr user by the name of Hidewari! They kindly allowed me to use their headcanon and I appreciate it a lot! From what I see on their account, they make beautiful art and I would be happy to direct anyone to his account who are interested in his content!

Anyways,

Thank you for reading! I promise that Mask is in no way cancelled, this was just a fun side project! A new chapter of Mask is coming soon!

\- Kayleigh.


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